Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.
Cannibals like to meat people.
I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.
I'm ready to start a family, in the sense that I have enough chip clips for 6 people.
My idea of flirting is giving a girl 1 of my 10 tacos.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Turning vegan is a big missed steak.
You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?
Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
Anyone can sit here and buy you drinks. I want to buy you dinner!
I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
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Many mass-produced ice creams have seaweed in them.

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I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?

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